by the Rev. Edward N. Preistaf, Pastor of Long Memorial United Methodist Church in Roxboro
“I don’t think I have it in me. I hope no one calls me today.” That’s how I was feeling a year ago after one of the busiest seasons in my 22 years of ministry – exhausted. All of the serving, multitasking, the grief, and the relentless weekly schedule drained all the emotional energy from my bones. It should be no surprise that when my Superintendent called unexpectedly one night to offer something called “renewal leave,” I cried tears of gratitude. The leave would last four weeks. It would be in addition to regular holidays and vacation days. Once I understood the scope, I wanted to understand the motive. The Superintendent explained renewal leave is for the sole purpose of renewal, for the church and for me. It was time to take some extra time away.
Two months earlier when talking to a leadership coach, she asked, “So, how is your weekly sabbath going?” After an exhausting summer, my sabbath observance had fallen by the wayside. “Remember,” she said, “Sabbath isn’t an extra benefit or something you earn, it’s a commandment.” I promised to restart my sabbath practice that very week. It was life-changing for me, but two months into a Sabbath-keeping pattern of ministry, I still felt exhausted. One day per week is the beginning of rest and healing, but it isn’t the whole dose. I needed more time away. Renewal leave couldn’t come fast enough.
When we need rest and renewal, we might not know how to do it when offered the opportunity. I wasn’t sure what to do with the time! Was I supposed to read or attend continuing education classes? Should I spend more time with my family or travel? My Superintendent’s guidance included no formal expectations, only that I should pray and reflect on what would be renewing for me and do that.
I decided to use the leave for two excursions, leaving time at home to rest and relax before, between, and after. The first was a road trip to visit our extended family. The second seemed to be the pinnacle experience – a trip to the Blackfeet Nation in the Rocky Mountains of Northern Montana. I would go alone and reconnect with a friend I hadn’t seen in nearly 20 years. The decision to go without my family was difficult. I felt some guilt about not taking my son, a recent high school graduate, or my wife, a teacher who could use a break herself! Thankfully, they both joined a small chorus of close friends who helped me see that taking a solo trip was a good idea. I made the plans and took the trip. For a multitude of reasons, the time in Montana was a vital, God-given gift.
Before the leave started, I wondered if there would be a magic moment when I would say, “Ah, now I feel like I’m really on vacation.” In truth, that time never came. I never heard a chorus of angels welcoming me to the epitome of a centered presence. In fact, about halfway through the leave, I nearly had a panic attack wondering if I could unwind or might be permanently beyond the ability to heal. I learned being away and resting for an extended time allows waves of grief to come and go, it allows time to identify anxieties and watch them peacefully dissolve. It even gave me a new perspective on my frailty and finitude as a child of God, eternally and utterly dependent on God’s grace and sustaining Spirit.
My first day back in the pastor’s office, the phone rang. A month earlier I had hoped it wouldn’t ring, but now, after time for renewal, I thought, “I wonder how God will show up now? I can’t wait to see.” Even so, this is no happily-ever-after story. It didn’t take long for time-stealing whispers to creep in, inner naggings like, “I just had a month away; surely, I owe the church a few weeks without Sabbath days.” Fortunately, the grace of God can sound like the voice of my coach saying, “Sabbath is not a benefit you earn. It’s one of the commandments!” Amen. Sabbath, though, is only the beginning. I am wrestling with matters of rest and renewal and claiming a faithful presence that extends beyond the weekly. Whether the grace voice sounds like my coach, a still small voice from within, a welcome call from the Superintendent, or a revelation while reading about Jesus in the wilderness, I am confident God will show the way.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Rev. Edward N. Priestaf
God called Ed into the ministry in 2001 while attending Marietta First United Methodist Church in Georgia. Ed served as a student pastor for Rush Chapel, a small country church in Rome, GA while he earned his seminary degree from Candler School of Theology at Emory University. He came to North Carolina with his family in 2006, where he served as an associate at Benson Memorial UMC in North Raleigh. He was appointed to Ebenezer UMC Raleigh in 2010, to McMannen UMC Durham in 2012, and now to Long Memorial in 2018. His kids are Noah, Grace, and Evan. His wife is Jackie Rohde Priestaf.
Ed has a passion for making disciples of Jesus who make disciples, for building cross-cultural bridges of understanding, for working to end racism wherever it exists, and for helping churches build thriving new relationships with increasingly diverse neighborhoods.
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